On episode 8 of Season 3 of “Mary Mary”, Teddy informs his sister-in-law Erica that he doesn’t feel a need to hide out of shame because he had multiple affairs. Yes, multiple affairs.
My first thought upon watching that scene was that there isn’t enough prayer and/or scripture in the world to help me see past Teddy’s bullshit. I don’t think that Teddy is truly sorry for the affairs.
Watching him explain to Erica that he wanted to fight for his marriage had me rolling my eyes. There was no sincerity on his face whatsoever. I understand that some people don’t show emotions, but this ain’t the case.
What exactly is Teddy sorry for?
It damn sure isn’t those affairs. I don’t feel that he’s sorry for the multiple affairs he’s had. Case in point, if he was sorry about the affairs he was having, he wouldn’t have had multiple affairs.
It’s not the affairs that Teddy is sorry for. Teddy is sorry that he got caught. More specifically, he’s apologizing because his infidelities have become public knowledge.
An apology means absolutely nothing if it isn’t genuine. A lot of times, someone will apologize solely to save face. Make the other party feel that their apology is sincere when in reality, they don’t give a damn if their actions are hurtful.
What you hear doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as the sender intended. You hear “I’m sorry for hurting you” when in actuality you’re hearing “I’m sorry for embarrassing you but not sorry for the specific things I did to hurt you.”
It takes two to care, remember?
This post is inspired by the following question that appeared on my Twitter timeline:
How do you deal with being cheated on?
My response? Leave.
There are some things that can be forgiven (e.g., forgetting a birthday, anniversary, paying the cable bill on time, etc). Cheating ain’t one of ’em.
For some, the logical decision to leave isn’t so clear-cut.
Trust is a hard thing to gain to begin with. It’s earned, not given by default to any ol’ body.
Once that trust is violated, it’s damn near impossible to get back. I can recall an instance where I knew that he was cheating but my heart wanted to stay.
It can work, I would tell myself. Now matter how hard I tried to make it work, there was no amount of forgiveness to make me forget.
I didn’t believe anything he said anymore. Questioned his whereabouts each time he came home. Raised an eyebrow anytime he used his phone. Made myself anxious worry about him instead of packing to leave. Anxiety is the byproduct of worrying. It wrecks havoc on your well-being. No amount of delusion can fix the damage that has been done.
When trust flees the scene, that’s your cue to leave as well.
I don’t always trust myself. I’ve taken days and even weeks to make a decision and even then, I don’t fully trust myself.
Some things don’t need a lot of consideration. When intuition presents itself, I need to just go with it. Trust in my capabilities.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I believe that each person in your life is a puzzle piece. For me, that’s a lot of pieces sprawled across the table. As I work on the puzzle, I realize there are pieces that don’t fit together.
There are people that no longer have a place in my life. I held onto these dead relationships for years, knowing that it was doing more harm than good.
The moment that you stop fighting and start accepting will be the moment when the puzzle becomes easier to put together.