While working on a potential post for today, I kept singing Michael Jackson’s “Remember The Time”. I’ve said in a previous post how inspiration tends to appear in the strangest of places. Today is no different. While singing, I thought about the last time I was in love. The song is a reminder of good memories and I wanted to share it with you.
Do you remember the last time you were in love?
Don’t panic. I’m not going anywhere.
There are things that I want to talk about that I don’t aren’t necessarily a good fit for this blog. So I decided that Oh Hey Nina would be the perfect place for my guest blog post entitled “Pardon Your Manners: First Impressions of Online Dating”. That’s right, I’m a guest blogger *pats self on back*. I’m pretty excited and would love it if you would take a few minutes to show Nina some love. She’s pretty awesome and her blog is dope as hell.
Oh, and one more thing. If you don’t mind, let me know what you think about my guest blog post. I would really appreciate the feedback.
When you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, flaws included.
Under no circumstances do you get to take all of the good characteristics of an individual and leave the flaws behind. Nor do you love someone and try to mold them into the person you want them to be. That’s not how love works. You are to love that person as they are now, not what they could be over time.
Makes sense right?
Instead of searching for something that doesn’t exist, it would make more sense to look for someone that’s suitable for you. A person who will love and accept all of you, just as you would love and accept all of them. Both of you should bring out the best in one another while challenging each other to be the best version of themselves.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how love works.
On episode 8 of Season 3 of “Mary Mary”, Teddy informs his sister-in-law Erica that he doesn’t feel a need to hide out of shame because he had multiple affairs. Yes, multiple affairs.
My first thought upon watching that scene was that there isn’t enough prayer and/or scripture in the world to help me see past Teddy’s bullshit. I don’t think that Teddy is truly sorry for the affairs.
Watching him explain to Erica that he wanted to fight for his marriage had me rolling my eyes. There was no sincerity on his face whatsoever. I understand that some people don’t show emotions, but this ain’t the case.
What exactly is Teddy sorry for?
It damn sure isn’t those affairs. I don’t feel that he’s sorry for the multiple affairs he’s had. Case in point, if he was sorry about the affairs he was having, he wouldn’t have had multiple affairs.
It’s not the affairs that Teddy is sorry for. Teddy is sorry that he got caught. More specifically, he’s apologizing because his infidelities have become public knowledge.
An apology means absolutely nothing if it isn’t genuine. A lot of times, someone will apologize solely to save face. Make the other party feel that their apology is sincere when in reality, they don’t give a damn if their actions are hurtful.
What you hear doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as the sender intended. You hear “I’m sorry for hurting you” when in actuality you’re hearing “I’m sorry for embarrassing you but not sorry for the specific things I did to hurt you.”
It takes two to care, remember?
Relationships involve a lot of give and take. You can’t expect everything to work out all the time without having to give up something to get something in return. That would be delusional.
If relationships are supposed to be 50/50, what happens in the event the scale is tipped?
Disagreements happen in relationships. It’s not going to be roses and sunshine all the time. That’s okay. On the other hand, some disagreements can be so bad, cracks form in the foundation you’ve worked so hard to build. In that moment you have two options:
1. Call it quits.
2. Fight for the relationship.
If the disagreement involves something that goes against your values , quitting is a viable option. Don’t stay in a relationship that you aren’t going to be happy with. Know when enough is enough.
If the foundation is worth repairing, by all means, fight for the relationship. Do what needs to be done to fix things. But there’s a catch. Both parties have to care about the relationship enough to fight for it. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot fight for something you don’t care about.
It takes one to tip the scale and two to care enough to balance it out.
I came home from work and saw a key on the coffee table. No note explaining why the key was there. As I looked around the living room, I noticed that his recliner was gone. Fearing the worst, I frantically checked each room for some sign of him. I found nothing.
I am not naive. I was aware that our relationship was on its last leg. In my mind, I had hoped that the relationship would end amicably.
There’s no change in Hell of that happening now.
Thinking back to that morning, his demeanor was so cold. He barely said anything to me.
I raked my brain trying to figure out what drove him to the point of leaving.
What did I say? What did I do?
A migraine later, I gave up. Nothing is going to change. He’s not coming back.
Love has abruptly departed.
There’s no reason to stay in a relationship when the love has waned. The decision to stay becomes a matter of obligation and obligation can easily manifest into resentment.
I remember the moment when my obligation to him became resentment. I blamed him for my unhappiness, yet my attempts to regain my happiness failed. I’d leave, but obligation had me coming back to the same old drama.
It took a couple attempts but I finally freed myself.
We were friends that spent years denying the underlying feelings between the two of us. Finally, after much consideration, we decided to go for it.
Embarking on this unfamiliar journey with him riddled me with anxiety. In theory, things could go splendidly and we’d live happily ever after. On the other hand, reality reminds me that there’s a 50% chance that we could crash and burn. Not to mention that once the relationship ended, the friendship could very well end too.
Our relationship endured some really tough times. Over time, I began to see him more as my friend than my lover. I couldn’t suppress how I felt about him any longer. He needed to know.
We’re better as friends than lovers.
He fought so hard for the relationship. Promised that we could make this work. It was too late, my heart had already checked out. In the end, the relationship doesn’t matter if the friendship suffers.