Tagged: dreams

Wisdom Wednesday #27

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Believe In Yourself First

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For the past three months, I’ve been working on a manuscript that began as a writing challenge. When I  discovered that I could submit an unfinished manuscript , I jumped at the chance. So here I am, splitting my time between editing the manuscript and writing this blog post.

I know that I’m good at telling stories. By no means am I bragging, but I know that I’m good. The problem is that I didn’t believe this manuscript was good. I didn’t believe that I had a manuscript that was good enough to be published.

To boost my confidence, I sent a few chapters to a friend of mine. She’s an avid reader and has NO problem letting me know her opinion. I was so nervous waiting for her to finish reading. I remember sitting around watching TV and being bombarded by text messages asking where were the remaining chapters.

It was that moment that I realized I needed to really believe in myself. While my friend believes in me, none of it matters if I don’t believe in myself. There are so many dreams I want to come true however, none of it will happen if I don’t believe it will come true.

Just believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place.

 

 

 

Don’t Sleep On Premonitions

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I believe in premonitions. I’m aware that it may sound absolutely ridiculous to some, but we all have to believe in something and that’s what I believe in.

For several months I’ve had a recurring premonition involving a car running a red light and hitting a truck.

Fast forward to Saturday, April 18, 2014.

I’m sitting at the bottom end of the intersection, waiting for my light to turn green. On the left side of the intersection is a pickup truck waiting to make a left turn. Across from the truck on the right side of the intersection is a small four-door sedan in the right lane.

The lights change for the left and right sides of the intersection. The truck proceeds to cross the intersection to get into the closest left lane. Meanwhile, the sedan makes a right turn and gets into the same lane as the truck.

The sedan slammed into the truck, pushing the truck over the median and into the opposite lanes of traffic. Thankfully, red lights kept those cars from coming down the lanes.  The driver gained control of the truck, moving it back across the median, across three lanes of traffic, and into a parking lot.

*insert slow blink here*

It’s one thing to dream that this happens but to literally watch your premonition play out in front of you is insane.  I was definitely shaken up for at least an hour. I’ll never second guess these dreams again.

Emphasis on “never”.

 

#XD30-Chapter 20-What a Tangled Web She Weaves

That was awkward. Susan’s mother rushes past me and didn’t say a word. It’s not like she says much to me to begin with and her disdain for me is clearly evident. I dim the lights in the room and pull the chair next to Susan. It’s been a week and she’s slept uninterrupted every night since she got here.

As I admire Susan’s peacefulness, my phone starts vibrating. It’s a text from Yelena.

Paying Nick off keeps him silent. There’s nothing stopping me from telling your secrets…unless you have $100,000 to keep me quiet.

The next few minutes are spent in a coughing fit. I’ve been fighting whatever this is for the past three weeks. Breathing hurts like hell. I make a note in my phone to schedule a doctor’s appointment in the morning before responding back to Yelena.

You just don’t know when to quit, do you.

About fifteen seconds pass before she strikes back.

I told you years ago to never, ever cross me. I forgave you for dumping me for Susan. Now you’re paying Nick to hold your secret. Don’t push me over the ledge bitch.

I didn’t respond back. When Yelena tells you she’s going to do something, best believe it will be done. Paying her off isn’t enough. She won’t rest until Susan is out of the picture. Enough of this bitch, I need to sleep. Drifting in and out of sleep for hours I find myself repeating the same dream. Frustrated from lack of continuous sleep, I grab a pen and paper to jot down some notes on my dream.

Tangled in a web. Yelena=spider. Susan dead…cause unknown.

#XD30-Chapter 19-This is a Warning

“The baby is okay. You had a ruptured ovarian cyst.”

That voice sounds familiar. Struggling to open my eyes, I can faintly make out my surroundings: hospital room, oxygen tube in my nose, and the the faint smell of vanilla mint. My mother is here. Geez, my mouth is dry. I signal for some water.

“Here you go honey,” she coos, adjusting the bed position so I’m sitting up.

Savoring the water, I wait for the coolness to hydrate my mouth.

“Thank you. It’s nice to see you, but why are you here?”

Never at a loss for words, my mother sits on the end of my bed. Dressed in a mint green caftan and gladiator sandals, she’s so zen. It’s disgusting, yet perfect for a humanistic psychologist.

“Ashley called me. Told me that you’re having dreams about miscarrying, Yelena, and blood. I believe Karma, working through your subconscious, is trying to tell you something.”

I roll my eyes.

“Exactly what would Karma and my subconscious be trying to tell me?”

I low key know the answer to this question already. My mother must have sensed it.

“Have you and Ashley sat down and thought of the ramifications of your actions? What you both have done has affected more people than you think. Then, instead of facing the situation head on, the two of you disappear. Let me tell you something, you can run all you want to, but Karma will always find you. Let that marinate.”

I open my mouth to speak, but my mother motions for me to remain silent.

“This medical episode that you had is no coincidence. You and Ashley will continue to be plagued with issues until you make things right.”

Thankfully, the nurse enters the room to give me another round of meds. I watch the liquid flow through the IV as I wait to drift into the clouds. My mother gathers her bag, kisses me on the cheek ,and heads towards the door.

“This isn’t over Susan. It would be in your best interest to listen to me,” she warns, brushing past Ashley on her way out.

Eyelids heavy, I drift off to sleep. Finally, some peace.

#XD30-Chapter 18-Blood, Sirens, and a Text Message

I run out of the bedroom, towards the living room. Susan is screaming bloody murder, her body stiff as a board.

“Stop screaming!” I yell, grabbing her shoulders.

Suddenly quiet, she points down to the sofa cushions. There’s nothing there. I’m confused. I sit Susan down on the sofa and grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I hand her the glass and watch her take a very long sip.

“I…I…don’t know what’s going on with me. These dreams are really fucking with me. I swear I saw blood on the sofa right after I saw Yelena staring at me.”

Yelena? Blood? What the hell is she eating before she goes to sleep?I can’t take four more months of this.

“You’re going to the doctor and I don’t mean the OB-GYN.”

Susan cocks her head to the side.

“A head doctor? Really?!?! I’m not crazy! I know what the fuck I…”

She faints. I elevate her feet and grab her phone to dial 9-1-1. As I speak to the dispatcher, she comes to.

“Don’t move. An ambulance is on its way,” I instruct.

Refusing to listen, Susan attempts to sit up. As she puts her left leg on the ground, I notice that there’s blood running down her right leg. With my free hand, I aggressively push her back down on the sofa.

“Lie down Susan!!! You’re bleeding!!”

I can hear sirens outside. I call the concierge to let him know that the ambulance is coming. I check on Susan. Her forehead is hot, she’s sweating, and a blood-stained spot  is forming on the sofa cushion. The concierge and paramedics are knocking on the door. Opening the door, I step aside and watch them tend to Susan.

“Ashley, grab my purse, laptop, and phone,” she instructs with the oxygen mask on her face.

Ignoring her, I quickly text my mother and Susan’s mother to let them know that we’re going to the hospital. Susan’s not going to be happy, but if she won’t see a stranger, perhaps she’ll talk to her mother.

“Hello? Did you not hear me?”

“I have your phone and purse. Work should be the last thing on your mind when your health is at risk.”

Once Susan get situated on the gurney, everyone heads out towards the emergency elevator. As I follow them down the hall, the notification light on my phone is blinking. It’s a text from Yelena.

“How’s Susan doing?”

#XD30-Chapter 17-Karma, is that you?

For 13 nights in a row, I’ve had a dream that some mystical force enters our home and steals the spirit of our baby, forcing me to miscarry. As soon as I start to bleed, I wake up from the dream. My blood pressure has been elevated every night since that first dream.

Usually, I just lie awake in the bed but tonight, I decided to get some work done.

I slip out of the bed and walk into the living room. Stretching out on the sofa, I grab my laptop and start working.

“I’m making a doctor’s appointment. You’ve been up for the past three days in a row,” she whispers in my ear.

Scared, I start flailing my arms and legs. I knock over my glass of water and accidentally hit Ashley in the face.

“Do you have to sneak up on me Silent Ninja? I’m already jumpy as it is.”

Ashley giggles while rubbing her cheek.

“I’m sorry love. I rolled over and realized that you weren’t in the bed…again. Is heartburn keeping you up at night?”

I wish it was heartburn. Guess this would be the time to tell her.

“I’m having this reoccurring dream that some mystical force steals the spirit of our baby and I miscarry.”

Ashley just stands there, blinking her eyes in disbelief.

“I don’t know how to respond. Have you spoken to your parents about it?”

I sigh. Under no circumstances do I want to tell my Buddhism-practicing parents about this dream.

“No I haven’t and I don’t intend on telling them,” I respond without looking up from the screen.

“Fine, don’t tell them. I’m making a doctor’s appointment later,” she says walking back to bed.

After working for two hours, I start to doze off. I wake up to what feels like the warmth of the sun on my face. I open my eyes and see Yelena, eyes red with rage. I wake up screaming.

Heart is racing, body is drenched in sweat. I feel something warm trickling down my leg. Upset that I peed on myself, I look back at the sofa. The spot isn’t yellow. It’s red.

“ASHLEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!”

Get Your Ass(ets) Out of the Nest!!!!!

Nothing wrong with a swift kick to get you moving.

Confession: I’m scared of becoming too comfortable.

I’m scared of becoming one of those people who has had the same job for 20+ years. With no desire to attain new skills to move up the totem pole, they just exist in their cubicles. Patiently awaiting the day when they can submit their paperwork for retirement.

No thank you, I’ll pass on.

I crave new knowledge. When I feel like I’m getting too used to doing something, I don’t put in the same effort that I once did. I feel like a hamster running on the wheel to nowhere.

For example, if I get a new job, I’ll stick with it for at least a year. Twelve months may not seem that long, but I can learn more in a year than some folks that have been in the same position for years. Eventually, I’ll get the itch to move on and I start plotting on my next move.

Life is too short for us to sit around, stifling our dreams while sitting comfortably in the nest. That’s not good enough. In nature, a baby bird learns to fly by being nudged out of the nest. Their wings may not be strong enough at first, so they keep trying. After several failed attempts, they soar.

When are you jumping out of the nest?