I came home from work and saw a key on the coffee table. No note explaining why the key was there. As I looked around the living room, I noticed that his recliner was gone. Fearing the worst, I frantically checked each room for some sign of him. I found nothing.
I am not naive. I was aware that our relationship was on its last leg. In my mind, I had hoped that the relationship would end amicably.
There’s no change in Hell of that happening now.
Thinking back to that morning, his demeanor was so cold. He barely said anything to me.
I raked my brain trying to figure out what drove him to the point of leaving.
What did I say? What did I do?
A migraine later, I gave up. Nothing is going to change. He’s not coming back.
Love has abruptly departed.
There’s no reason to stay in a relationship when the love has waned. The decision to stay becomes a matter of obligation and obligation can easily manifest into resentment.
I remember the moment when my obligation to him became resentment. I blamed him for my unhappiness, yet my attempts to regain my happiness failed. I’d leave, but obligation had me coming back to the same old drama.
It took a couple attempts but I finally freed myself.
We were friends that spent years denying the underlying feelings between the two of us. Finally, after much consideration, we decided to go for it.
Embarking on this unfamiliar journey with him riddled me with anxiety. In theory, things could go splendidly and we’d live happily ever after. On the other hand, reality reminds me that there’s a 50% chance that we could crash and burn. Not to mention that once the relationship ended, the friendship could very well end too.
Our relationship endured some really tough times. Over time, I began to see him more as my friend than my lover. I couldn’t suppress how I felt about him any longer. He needed to know.
We’re better as friends than lovers.
He fought so hard for the relationship. Promised that we could make this work. It was too late, my heart had already checked out. In the end, the relationship doesn’t matter if the friendship suffers.
How can you expect me to be friends with you when I’m still in love with you?
I need to distance myself from you, including your family and friends. This is going to hurt us both but please understand that this has to happen.
There’s no doubt that I’ll always love you. I can’t just be your friend.
He wanted a break.
It was a rough conversation. There was no doubt that he didn’t love me. I knew he did. To see someone you love so much go through something and you can’t help them is extremely painful.
I begrudgingly agreed to the break, but it came with conditions.
Don’t want you to wait for me. Live your life.
First he hits me with asking for a break and before I can digest that morsel, he adds another to my plate. So much to process. Worried, all I could think about was that breaks can easily lead to breakups. But this isn’t about me. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about me.
Life moved on. Communication between the two of us went from daily calls and/or text messages to barely once a week. I think I started dating around month 4 or so of the break(up). Took things slowly, but I enjoyed every minute of the journey. People have a way of knowing when you’re happy. That’s when they pop back up in your life.
He finds out that I’m happily dating. Hates it. Chastises me for wasting no time moving on with my life.
Pardon me sir?
You wanted me to move on with my life right? That’s what I’m doing. You can’t tell me to live my life then get mad when I do it.
Break(up)s tend to remind people of what they have. They don’t want to lose that. However, don’t pop up and expect them to stop their lives because you want them back.
Life moves on. I’m where I wanna be.